I like babies. Not just little babies, larger babies as well. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel better around little kids. They're fun, careless, and they never get tired. If I've ever felt a real connection with anyone, it's been with every child below the age of 7 that I ever met. As a ninth grader, sometimes it's really hard to be yourself. You develop a mild case of paranoia and suddenly things that shouldn't matter do. You try to fit in. This is why I like babies. Babies don't fit in. They make mistakes, they fall on their face, and they poop their pants, but they never stop going.
I like to think of myself as a "good-with-kids-kind-of-guy." I play with all children willing to play with me. I don't know if it's something about how I approach them, but they just seem drawn to me. I play with my cousins, my friends younger siblings, and also children I've just met. I couldn't tell you how many times I've pile driven both my younger cousins simultaneously into the trampoline mat. I can't recall how many times I've been sat on by more than three kids at once. I don't know how many times I've sat on more than three kids at once. All I know is that they have fun, and I do too. I think part of kids strange attraction to me is my shape. I'm what Lizard refers to as a "Lurp." A Lurp is a person who is tall and has long dangly looking limbs. My neck is longer than a regular person's forearm. So, kids probably see me like a large moving jungle gym. That in mind, I'm also the only person who gives them the attention they need sometimes. The people I don't like so much are the parents. My aunts and uncles have yelled and scolded their kids many times for being to rough. They say things like: "You stop that right now," "He's (referring to me) had enough." "You just tell them when you want them to stop," "Hey," and other things too. They try to interfere into a situation that doesn't require interference....like George Bush! Sorry if that offended you. Anyhow, their parents get all up in the kids business. I'm old enough to tell who they're really yelling at. They're mad at me. Whether or not they know it, that's what they're thinking. They see a big kid like me rolling on the ground pretending to be choked out and they think I'm trying to make them monsters. They can't yell at me though, because I'm big, strong, and capable. They can't see the value in a good old fashioned living room wrestling match. They want civilized children. Kids who wear pantaloons and say "Good day," and that kind of garbage. They don't get that when they tell a kid not to wrestle, they want to wrestle. They crave what they can't have, and that's where I come in. I'll wrestle them til they're red in the face, panting, and half asleep.
If the kids see anything else in me, it's that I'm not really different from them. I want to fight and scream and run away and stay up all night and get angry and cry and eat only what I want and be invincible and use "and" repeatedly even though it's a list of things which requires commas! They see me and they realize I'm one of the last people with time for their games. One of the last people who will pretend to take forty rounds of ammunition in my chest and die for a minute then stand up and hurl everybody on the couch. I'm willing to deal with them suddenly having a force field even though we agreed those were unfair. I'm the ultimate toy. Other kids or "young adults" my age are too distracted by complicated things like iPhones and Computer Programming to appreciate being carried on somebody else's shoulders. They just want to float in their own selfish Nirvana. I'm no different, but at least I can identify a great play partner when I see one. To be honest, growing up is realizing that the world revolves around you. Well, it doesn't, and it never will. I see people on TV who beat each other up and sling mud all for the sake of making themselves all powerful. Then I look at the kid hiding behind the couch who's giggling too loud and realize that he just wants to enjoy what he has. He won't ask you for the new toy if you give him something even better: a little attention!
It wasn't easy when I was a kid to watch my sister become less and less interested in my games, but it's even harder to watch kids grow up from my perspective now. They get curious. They start knowing things. But worst of all, they start to judge. They look at me different and I realize that the spark in their eyes is gone. They've grown up and all my work towards keeping them young and innocent has failed. Each time I see them it gets worse until the point that I can't stand to walk past them and see they're totally disinterested in me. They look at their glowing screens and their gadgets and I feel like that one toy that's cast to the side of the room. It breaks my heart when I realize that eventually I'll be like that for every kid I've ever known. It's just like that one scene in Toy Story! Until then though, I'll be the greatest toy they've ever had. I'll be the greatest toy in the world until I die or go into a comma. No compilation of years will stop me.
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